A NEW ADDICTION

On the outside looking in, never knew what it meant until now.

Is life ever going to be anything but a constant series of disappointment, sadness, depression with suicidal thoughts and probably less than a percentage of happiness thrown in there somewhere?

Are phrases like: "There is a silver lining to every dark cloud", "Patience is a virtue", "Good things come to those who wait", etc, supposed to make one feel better and give them hope of a better tomorrow? If so, I'm still waiting... and have been from as long as I can remember.

Are we so dependent on humans of the opposite, or in some cases the same sex? Dependent on them for our happiness, dependent on them to make us feel better about ourselves, dependent on them as if they are the very elixir of one's existence. Why do we give so much importance to people, giving them so much power that they land up being an addiction, a very very bad addiction at that? How thin is the line between feelings of love and feelings of addiction and dependency?

When did we become such junkies? Too addicted that we lose the ability to see what's staring us in the face, to think, feel and thrive on anything but the bittersweet pain.

A contended sigh.....

Receiving an email from the person you care about.... Accidentally finding money in your pants' pocket after what seems like ages... Counting the hours until you meet your love!... Watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S... Rewarding yourself with a nice calorific and fatty meal after loosing 5pounds in 13days [I think you can guess why this was mentioned!]... Dressing up and scorching-up the movies and with your best friend ....Munching on a bar of absolutely bitter dark chocolate and sighing with delight and pleasure or savoring up the huge piece of dark, black [definitely not burnt!] chocolate cake and not worrying about the weight you're definitely going to put on..... Watching "The Sound of Music" after 10years and experiencing nostalgia..... Boy! The list can go on and on and on... Yeeaaahhh these are the small things in life that makes a person happy......

Sadly a very tiny percentage of people actually understand and savor these moments before they realize how fast life passed them by.....

Man! I seriously wish I could escape... from where? I don't know..... to where? I still don't know..... To think that in this fast paced and strenuous life with the hustle and the bustle of the people in the world today there would be times where one would seldom crave a moment's peace, but when the feeling takes root, it's hard to let go and that's when you get skittish, restless and irritated and the will to escape gradually grows stronger and you've no idea where to run off to..... it's a wonder that sitting on the beach in silence and listening to the gentle sound of the rough waves crashing against the bed of sand could bring a state of tranquility and peacefulness that I have craved for! Difficult to believe that something so simple and serene could bring about a heavy change in the human body and the mind.... Trust me, it works..... Siggghhhhh.

Confused... what do I do now?

Have you ever felt so lost at times that you don't know what's the next step you're supposed to take or what you're supposed to do and on top of feeling lost and confused you start to worry about the decisions you make and if they are right? I mean you already DON'T know what to do and you're expected to take high-end choices in life.....
Right now I've no idea what to do.... what to say [What to even type] nor what to think..... I'm blank.... completely blank.... and I've been and felt blank for a long time.... at times wondering what am I doing with my life.... and if I'm gonna be a failure.... I mean what's the guarantee that I'm even gonna live tomorrow, so why worry too much over the things that you have no control over, right?
I love my life.. I definitely wouldn't switch it with anyone... I've been blessed with the world's best mom, boyfriend and best friends.... so does the feeling of being a failure crossed my mind and most of the times, stay there? yeah, I definitely have my share of craziness and embarrassments most of the times over which I land up laughing thinking about them now! But why am I so worried.... and I don't know worried what exactly I'm worried over! \

Sigh! Maybe one morning I might wake up and get my answer...

Depressed... then happy.. depressed again... and happy again... uuugghh!!! This constant change of my mood really bugs me!!! Yeah.. it's all a part of "growing up" and learning to keep a check on the emotions.. but this really bugs me big time...

I'm LIkE, whAAaaaa-?! (WTFFFF!!!!)

On the way to work... I'm like whaaaaaaaaaa--!!!! I notice a guy((not gay)) wearing HOT PINK PANTS!!!!!! HOOOTTTT PINKKK PAANNNTTSS!!!! He dazed me with his bright colors... in a sparkling sunny afternoon. No my eyes didn't deceive me!
UUGGGHHH!!!! Have pity on my eyes!!!! There's a logical explanation why I wear glasses! I don't need a reason to go more blind than I already am! Excuse me while I laugh my a** out please! Hot pink pants with an olive green t-shirt!!! yeaahh, I know.. interesting shade of colors! A definite eye catcher.. boy, does he really know how to catch the attention of the ladiesss! LMAO :D :D

Guyssssss!!!!! UGGGHHH!!!!!!! The most annoying and unsatisfied specimen on earth!!!! Never satisfied with anything!!!!!!! I get to know my friend and my ex are bitching behind my back! I'm like-whaaaaaaaaaa--!!!! And I mean HARDCORE bitching!!! I mean seriously.. both of ya'll GGEEETTT A LIIFFEE!!!! One doesn't know me((no wonder his lady love love left him! Wat a loser!!))... the other knows me and both are so braindead, groundless, baseless, bitter,and bored of their own life that they can't keep their noses out of others' lives! Maaannnnn!!! I so pity them both and laugh my head out when I look at them bitching about me!!!!! 'Coz I know I'll always be ten steps ahead of them! LMMAAAOOOO!!! :D :D

OMMMMGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On the way to work.... passing the bus stop, I see a muslim family.
In fact, I see a man holding a long thick rod((STOP! RIGHT! THERE! U PERVERTS!)) and threatening to beat up his family with the rod if they don't listen to him! I'm like-whaaaaaaaaaa--!!!! Two tiny boys and his wife covered from head to foot in their usual muslim garb!!! The kids frightened out of their wits, huddled up close to their mother, who was also frightened and leaning againt the pole!
Boy! Was I pissed! But funny thing is I know I can't interfere and help them, 'coz tis is bloody India not an Ameircan or European country!
Remind me again why can't we just eradicate the muslims of the world??!!!
Hitler should have exterminated the muslims rather than the Jews!

FOUND YOU.......

Stuck with losers, surrounded by cheap desperate back biting guys((and here I thought females were famous this!)). A repetitive question constantly revolving around my mind, "ARE THERE ANY NICE GUYS OUT THERE??????" I mean all I've ever encountered were losers and the like!
Everywhere I go, they're present, talk dirty and disgusting about the female kind! Who died and made them creatures with superior knowledge and intellect to actually compartmentalize and make judgments? And how dare they categorize and label the female?
Weird isn't it, that the male can do anything his heart desires but if the female does it, it affects his masculinity and his ego! She is designated every single vulgar, uncouth word in the Oxford Dictionary! Common phrases: "DON'T TALK TO THIS GUY", "DON'T WEAR THIS OR THAT", "WHO IS THIS PERSON YOU'RE TALKING TO?", "WHO'S CELL PHONE NUMBER IS THIS?" the questions go on and on....... Funny thing is we aren't allowed to ask even a single question back at them. Yeahhh... this WAS my conceived notion about males((including my ex)) in general.
Wished and wondered and most importantly HOPEEEEDDDDD if there was a guy somewhere out there who'd defy my conception of the typical male.

Just when I decided to give up hope, in the midst of all, I found him!
THE man who made me "screw the rest of the world"<*quoting advise put forth by a friend of mine*> throw caution to the wind and take a chance at happiness that I never realized I'd given up for another. Happiness doesn't begin to describe what I feel about him((blushing right now!))! He makes me feel like the most happiest girl on earth, even thinking about him brings a smile to my face ((like right now! :P)) Basically he makes me feel good about myself and everything that I've never felt before! Funnily he's a good friend of mine . Guess I've always loved him for a long time but on a different level! Talk about a paradoxical situation!!!!
The person I've always wanted, funny, kind (*yeah, the usual cliched phrase :P!*) and did I mention cute?
Boy is he soooo cute or what!!!! Omg! He definitely is completely different from the usual stereotypical losers that I've had the unfortunate displeasure of meeting and associating with!

Best part is: he's in love with meeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm glad I found you and even more glad I came back...... only, to get you!
I love you...........

The City that never Sleeps

One of the most beautiful cities on earth, NYC is exceptionally diverse with people from all over the world, speaking over a 100 different languages.
Walking on the roads of NYC(Manhattan)in broad daylight, I fell in love! The sophisticated people, tall buildings, Macy's clothes store, Banana Republic, Dolce&Gabbana, NBC studios, HBO, Grand Central Station, Central Park, Rockefeller Centre, Empire State Building, Limos, cute yellow taxis that charge exorbitant amount just to go from one avenue to the next, Park avenue, restaurants, bars, coffee pubs, ten of each in every lane! Can you believe that!?
I fell in love with it all! And that was just during the day! People told me the avenues and streets would confuse me and I would get lost, but I was surprised that didn't happen to me!
I roamed the streets like I was living there!

The Crossroads of the World- Times Square, where the theatres, buildings colorful lights that attracted people! One can't help but stand in one spot and gape, drinking in the beauty all around, especially during the nights! It's like you stepped into an exclusive club consisting of only the rich and the famous! The bright lights on bridges and buildings, catches your eye and makes you gasp with awe and happiness!!!

My friends ask me what I love most about NYC? I say everything!
But this is what I enjoy doing most:
Listening to music in the train & subway to n fro Manhattan...
Walking along the streets, drinking coffee n feeling like a New Yorker...
Sitting on the docks by the Hudson River at night overlooking NJ & Brooklyn bridge& looking at people passing me by...
Walking in Park Avenue & dreaming of owning an apartment there...
Driving from Long Island to Manhattan n singing to the songs on Z100 on saturdays with my aunt n uncle...

Picture This... I'd rather not!!!

Is there any another movie that is as meaningless, dull and superficial as Picture This? I think not! And I thought chic flicks are superficial! Ok, I've heard of parents having trust issues with their children and malicious high school girls slandering others, but this is ridiculous! And to think I was dying to watching the movie! What was I thinking?! A dad that always keeps tabs on his daughter! Talk about insecurities! Seems more like stalking to me! And a girl who does anything to get her "dream man" to notice her! And I mean she does virtually anything! What is happening to the world of cinema?What happened to classic arts, the time-honored oldies that all of us cherish and watch repeatedly? There was absolutely zilch chemistry between Drew Patterson and Mandie Gilbert.
And like a tiny slit in her dress is going to make much of a difference at the much awaited party, when Lisa Cross wore the same dress but without a slit! A big whoopie for the creative style! Ashley Tisdale ought to just concentrate on her candy girl character in The Suite Life of Zack and Cody,where she was more appreciated and lay off producing her own movies! What was she trying to prove? I don't get the picture, no pun intended.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.. boy, do we love them like crazy!

Oh my goodness!!! It is so hard to believe that the F.R.I.E.N.D.S sitcom is actually over!!!
One question: Whyyyyyyy????????? 10yrs of entertaining, riotous, incredible, sidesplitting, remarkable and poignant episodes make us mull over questions like : "Are there friends like those in the sitcom, in the world?", " Will my friends and myself have the exact friendship like them?" so on and so forth. But the unfortunate truth is:(drum-roll please...) Nope...
there can never be another 'gang of friends' like them. Ok, maybe in another time in another planet in another age there 'could' be. You never know, life is wierd. And their coffee shop- Central Perk. Wish there was actually a place like that in the real world!

Ssssssiiiiiiiiiiggghhhhhh!!!!





But seriously, you feel you can totally relate to them and after 10yrs of constant viewing of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, you feel that you're a part of their exclusive group. Funny, isn't it? yeah it sure is. I mean it's like you relate yourself to one these characters or crush on one of them and consider him/her as your "ideal person", you start to visualize your "spouse" to be like one of them. Ha ha! There is not a single character that we don't like or hate... Everyone of them have their style, their attitude, their individuality and their followers.I love Ross and Phoebe. Ross with his boldness and brashness, his reponsibility towards his baby sister, whom he doesn't need to protect at all, his ever-lasting love for Rachael that would never fade no matter whom he marries and how many kids he has. Phoebe being kinky and an airhead is totally adorable and with Joey, makes an awesome couple, sadly they never fall in love. But Mike seems to be an awesome match for her. Her fairy-tale snowy winter wedding makes her the most beautiful Snow White ever, with her ultra cute Prince Charming.(Plus, I remind one of my friends of Phoebe, I wonder how?!)Approximately 99.6% of the world mourned over the closure of the never ending sitcom.I used to dislike F.R.I.E.N.D.S but after watching the 10th season first, I fell completely in love with the sitcom and oooo yeah I was sad that this is it... this is the end... no more F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Talk about heart break. I'm sure when the sitcom ended, most F.R.I.E.N.D.S fanatics felt an enormous part of them die inside, felt a feeling of incompletion and emptiness overtake them. And I'm sure the feeling will constantly arise when thinking of F.R.I.E.N.D.S or when the word "F.R.I.E.N.D.S" is mentioned or when watching reruns...Yeah, I'm sure most of the F.R.I.E.N.D.S "worshippers" would intently watch reruns and memorize every single word of every character.... Talk about fanaticism. i don't think any other sitcoms has ever had this kind of response,ever.Sadly, there are people who actualy HATE F.R.I.E.N.D.S. I know, I know, it is pretty difficult to digest this information, but they are entitled to their own individualistic opinions. But those of you, who haven't watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S, are seriously missing out on something great. Maybe one day, when we are old and gray, F.R.I.E.N.D.S might become "the all American sitcom" or part of the American culture. Who knows? Maybe we will get over the obsession, maybe we won't. Weirder things have happened.Hmmmm... so which character do you like/love/dream about or relate yourself to and why?

The hard fact of human nature...

Why are people two-faced??? I mean they behave one way in front of you and another behind you... I've seen maannnnyyy like that.. In my own class... You ought to look at how "friends" b***h behind each others' back... and the most funniest part is, I look at all this, and laugh.. wondering... what is the reason to back bite??? One comes and tells me one thing about one person and that person tells me another thing about someone else, I laugh.. Yes, at one point of time, when I was in school I used to enjoy doing things like this.. but now.. I find it completely immature and moronic... But it hurts when the people whom you consider friends do that and in front consider you their best friend, but naturally you tend to ignore that you know what they said and you too behave normally...
I'm sure you must be thinking that I'm talking about girls.... well actually I'm taling about guys too.. ooooo yeah, they are waaaayyyy worse than girls... believe me they are way worse when it comes to talking behind backs... experience speaks... yup... beware of guys more than girls...
Yeah yeah... how can guys do things like that? believe it, it happens... Not everyone, because they have better work to do, but yeah the rest of them?! Crappy!!! They are more attracted to girls who ignore them and treat them like crap than to girls who treat them like human friends....
Mean right...? well thats the way most people are... SSSSSSIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!
I'm talking about most guys not all..........................

To believe guys when they say "I love you... "or not?

How do I know if the guy is true when he tells me he likes me? How do I know that he's not playing...? What if he's true in the starting but towards the end lands up playing with my heart?
What if he really does love me? too many questions but there is just one answer: take a chance.
There's this girl I know A, who completely loves this guy B, B says he loves A sooo much and all is fine in the starting of their relationship, but things start going downhill for them and A starts becoming too nagging and B starts looking at other gals and having "wierd" thoughts about other girls and crushes as well... A comes to know and.. naturally gets heartbroken... They break up for about a month and B returns to A pleading her to give him another chance.. Now I told A to chuck B outta your life because no guy in this world can ever change... They can only be changed when they are in their diapers, for 4-5 months B chases A and does things to get her trust back and finally A goes back to him, she says she loves him and feels he has changed.. During the time of their break-up , B's friends all go against him and bad mouth him to A... why?? He considered them friends... but they betrayed him. Since A loved B so much, she decided to stick by him. 2months have passed but A keeps having doubts that B cannot be trusted though she has started trusting him, adding fuel to fire, another of B's friend bad mouths him to her and they have a huge fight... B swears nothing's happened but A is very confused...
What I think is that A should either give B up completely and move on or learn to trust him in spite of everything they have gone through in the past...
What do you think both of them should do???
Which brings me back to my main question :Is he serious about her or not...???
Guys!!!!! Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back breaking... sigh...!!!

My first job here in NJ... sigh... talk about tiring... talk about aches and pains... talk about messing up orders... oooh yeah I successfully passed them all... but atleast now I know how strict and orderly the Americans are... oh yeah and how completely and unhibitedly hygenic...
Now that's nice for a change, hygene I mean... the way the people wanted their eggs just right, or their bagels and sandwiches just right... and one tiny mishape and omg! the food has to be redone!!! I kept looking at the clock on the wall, time on my wrist watch and wondering how slow time goes... gosh!!! When you want time to go fast, boy does it go slow.. and when you want it to go slow, it literally runs the Olympics race!!! But it was a major relief to finish up and relax at home...
Just looking at the arrays of bagels and meats and sauces, sandwiches and salads made my mouth water... and of course I just had to try that out... a garlic bagel with tuna salad and crisp bacon, with salami on the top and lots of onions and mayonnaise, mustard and ketchup... mmmm and what does it spell? D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S!!! My co-worker looked at me like I had lost my head !!! But I didn't care I had to try it out ( I don't think my boss will allow me to eat like that again.. hehehehe!!! Like I care!) This was just the second best part of the job...
The first best part came at the end before I left..... Yup! My pay....!!! Just looking at those dollars made my day and made the slogging worth it(to some extent!)...
Feels good to earn your own cash, doesn't it???

Being an adult

The most difficult thing in this world is to be an adult... the responsibilities, the faith people have on you... you're loved ones counting on you, depending on you... decisions to make... wondering whether what you're doing is right or wrong... whether it'll affect your life and in what way... being alone in this scary world... knowing that you need to look after certain people...

Oh my goodness!!! It's a very scary thought, isn't it??? To be out there alone, to be away from your family and that shelter... to come out of that cocoon and face the scary world...
It's very simple to stay at home and think about how lovely and rosy everything will be once you're on your own.. .But how many people have actually done it, standing on their two feet with lots of struggle and pit falls??? Not many.. Most are scared... Me included, very very scared... But I'm on my own now and CANNOT go back... even if I wanted??? Too many people are counting on me.. but I just want to run back to my shelter and let mummy and papa shoo away all the monsters... But I can't do that , can I ? Nope... I'm away and alone, yes I've got help but I've to go my own way one day... work, work and work and one day get married, have a family and then watch my kids grow up and go their own way and feel what my parents are feeling right now!!! Life is wierd but beautiful at the same time!!!

Independency or foolishness???

I seriously considered that leaving home and starting a "new life" meant freedom, relief from nagging parent(s), independency, etc. but the most important factors never entered my mind.

Fear, lonliness, sense of responsibilities and maturity takes over the mind immediately.

From the time I could understand what exactly was happening in my life, what I needed and wanted from life,I had one main aim(apart from wanting a fairy-tale life)- to leave the country and go back to my homeland- the United States of America. The only thing that made my leaving easy was my nationality...yes, like everybody else I had to struggle to leave.

By the way, does anybody believe in angels and miracles??? I do!!! Believe me I do!!!

when the going gets tough, somewhere, somehow there's help.

The most happiest girl in the world I was to see the plane ticket to New Jersey!!!!!

Boy! The minute I stepped off the plane and my feet touched JFK, I felt freedom and happiness that I'm back in my homeland... But then everything started sinking in... and... what I felt was a huge space of emptiness in my heart and soul... I kept thinking, " am I doing the right thing?", "will I be able to make it big on my own", "what do I do now???"
The first thing I did was call up the person who was the "solver" in my life, my mom,
she gave me courage and reminded me what was inside of me-strength, maturity, courage and boldness. Just a week has passed by from the time I reached New Jersey...
Yes, the fear gets to me alot, I'm still scared.. but you know what??? I'm strong, I can make it big... Love all you people who have beliefs in me!!! mmmmmmmmmuuuuuuuaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!